If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize