Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
