he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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