My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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