I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
