Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
