Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
