..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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