he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
