My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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