I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
