I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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