So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
