Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
