you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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