She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i out mim tonsoeep
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