Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
