dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
