You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
