and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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