from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
