Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
