the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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