she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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