I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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