you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
