This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
