And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
