First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am available for nakedness
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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