i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
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Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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