I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Porn is love you can see.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
