I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just had sex bonerless
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
