Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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