We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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