everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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