mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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