I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
