just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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