you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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