Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
