I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
