Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
