also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
