i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
