Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
