I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
