just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
