and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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