This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
