I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
