My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
