i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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