i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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