you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
