i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
