I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
