She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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