mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
