He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
