I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Text me some of your sweat
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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