Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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