i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
