turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Found your dick twin last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
