And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
