He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
