my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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