I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
