When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So many bounce houses so little time
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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