I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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