U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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