Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
