apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
