Nicole vs. Life
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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