never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
