Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
