you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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