no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
