filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just pee around me
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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