He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
