i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
