My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
