Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
