I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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