she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
