We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
