You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
